An example of really, really bad dialogue on Hawaii 5-0

[giandujakiss]

They do this kind of thing all the time, and it's probably not even unique to H50, but this very minor example from last night's episode has bugged me all day:



The team is investigating the murder of a woman named Angela, and they think she may be the latest victim of a serial killer. They research potential connections between the victims to see if there is a pattern, and they begin to suspect that all of the victims gave children up for adoption, possibly at a particular church. Kono goes to research. Here is what follows:

Kono: Okay, so I just spoke to the victim's mother. And I found out that Angela had a child out of wedlock and she hid it from her mom.

Ed.: No, the stupidity is not the contradiction between the first and second sentences.

Danny: Okay. Any connection to St. Martin's?

Kono: Yeah, she was a parishioner there.

Danny: All right, okay, so let's just assume she abandons her kid at the church, she's trying to put it behind her [pause] ... help me please?

Chin: Wait a minute. What about the other victims?

Kono: Yeah, I spoke to their family members. And I found out at least three of the victims had children that they abandoned at St. Martin's.

WHOAH, WAY TO BURY THE LEDE KONO! Why didn't you just walk in and announce that? Why did you just talk about Angela, wait for Danny to mull it, wait for Chin to ask further, before saying "BY THE WAY THIS IS A PATTERN. SEE? SEE THE PATTERN?"

That is really bad dialogue.


And completely unrelatedly, I keep going over a particular scene in Shame -



So Brandon has that really awkward first date with the coworker. And I guess we're supposed to think that Brandon has trouble making connections with other people, and no question, at the beginning of the date, he's the one creating the awkwardness by saying very bad first date things.

But later, we see the two of them walking home, and things are smoother, even though the topics of conversation are pretty inane I-don't-know-what-to-say sorts of topics. And in this scene, what strikes me is that it's really the chick's fault that the conversation is awkward, not Brandon's. She is the worst conversationalist ever. Like, he throws out potential topics, and she stops him cold without suggesting other avenues.

So, he asks - if you could be anyone in any time period, what would you choose? Stupid question, fine, but it's a first date and you have to talk about something. And then he volunteers, he'd be a musician in the 60s.

There are a million places for her to go with this. Why the 1960s? What appeals to you about then rather than now? Why a musician? What kinds of music do you like? Do you play an instrument or sing? Did you consider doing that professionally?

But no. No. She just says the 60s were a difficult time. No specifics, no explanation of the difficulties that would allow the conversation to move forward.

Fine. So then he asks her - what would you pick? And she says "Here, now." (not in a romantic "I'm with you" way, just in a sort of "this time period is fine" way). Come the fuck on! Make something up! Yes, it's a stupid question and yes, maybe "here, now" is the accurate answer, but you're not strapped to a lie detector! There won't be a quiz later! You're not under oath! The point is to talk so that you can move the conversation to point where it's actually interesting.

So, point is, it totally wasn't Brandon's fault that the conversation was awkward, is what I'm saying. He was trying, and she was giving him nothing.

Comments

[libitina]

I think many procedurals end up stretching their episodes awkwardly after a while.

re: Shame. Yeah... I would not have dated her. For many reasons. And I often found myself blaming her for the awkwardness between them (and him for moving ahead like everything was roses when it was really hella awkward). But then I felt bad about blaming her. Her perspective and viewpoints (and conversational patterns) are ones I've genuinely encountered.

But someone else was pointing out that Marianne represents a rejection of his sister's pull. She's awkward where his sister is facile, she's religious (unless I invented a reference to it in my head), independent, and an office worker. And then he tries to tie in their commonality with asking about whether her clothing is vintage or making the kinds of conversational overtures that would work with Sissy - and so there's a constant tension between Marianne being an idealized potential stable partner and Sissy being weird tension and taboos.

So if you (and I think I do) accept that reading, I ended up being fairly impressed with the writing making her a person I could recognize as having met, awkward and not clicking with Brendan, while (mostly) believably socially cued to continue trying with him - all while being a cypher for an anti-Sissy.

[giandujakiss]

I didn't read Marianne that deeply, although you could be right, i.e., that she's the oppposite of Sissy. I didn't really see her as that awkward, though - I thought she was supposed to represent some degree of normality, actually - she was self-possessed and generally said sane things and had appropriate reactions - which is why I feel like I have to highlight that the awkwardness was her fault.

Not that she was unrealistic - I can totally see someone behaving that way! - just that I felt like the movie was trying to show Brandon being at fault for not connecting, when in fact, in that instance, it was her fault.

[libitina]

I also ended up blaming her for their sex scene not working. Because I had forgotten that was how most people frame sexual encounters. In my world, ejaculation might very well happen... but that certainly isn't the cue that sex is over. I ended up kind of shocked that they both just gave up all of a sudden. What? And it took a while to remember that's a common way for people to parse sex.

[giandujakiss]

I guess the idea is that he pulled away and was so obviously out of it that there wasn't much more she could do. I.e., if he hadn't drawn back so dramatically, things might have continued.