Mar. 13th, 2016

giandujakiss: (Default)
where, like, half of America can't see that he is literally, actually a fraud:
Mr. Trump says he’s the candidate of the common man, and, well, the common man now regularly shares online his opinions of the stuff he buys. By coincidence, a few weeks before Mr. Trump’s speech, I wondered what the amateur critics who contribute to websites like TripAdvisor, Yelp and Amazon were saying about his consumer-facing products, and I started to comb through their reviews ...

The reviews for Trump Steaks are still posted on the QVC website, however. One reports that the Classic Collection, which cost $199 for two filets, two bone-in rib-eyes and a dozen burgers, had “no redeeming qualities.” “Dreadful pieces of meat for a high price,” reads another. “It’s hard to believe these are the same pieces that Mr. Trump eats.”

Disenchantment with Trump food is a running motif. “After all, how bad can a restaurant be that has Donald Trump’s name on it?” a TripAdvisor user wonders about DJT, a restaurant at Trump Hotel Las Vegas. “Well, pretty bad,” he concludes. “Donald, they don’t deserve your initials,” somebody else says.

Drinkers can also no longer enjoy “Donald J. Trump: The World’s Finest Super Premium Vodka, Success Distilled,” which was discontinued in 2011, though it is unclear if anyone ever enjoyed it. A connoisseur at the website Vodkaphiles compares the flavor to “gas station burritos, slightly expired 2% milk, hard boiled eggs, and canned pears.”

Perhaps Mr. Trump’s people simply have different preferences when it comes to the human senses. On a fragrances bulletin board, a reviewer says the notes of Success by Trump eau de toilette spray evoke adjectives like “cloying, synthetic, annoyance, headache inducing and maybe even household cleanser.” Another chimes in, “Maybe it could make the dumpster outside my house smell better, but I doubt it.”

...

This brings us to Mr. Trump’s unconventional conceptions of ownership and property. Buildings he no longer controls live on in the Trump pantheon, sometimes because of insolvency but more often because he claims anything with his name on it is “his.” Even companies he has nothing to do with can become Trump companies.

Mr. Trump likes to boast that “I have a store worth more than Mitt Romney”—as if the Gucci flagship that leases commercial real estate in Trump Tower agreed as a tenant to become the landlord’s possession. ...

Mr. Trump seems to do better as a hotelier than steak merchant, albeit with his usual overcooking. “I mean, Chicago, I have one of the greatest buildings, rated the No. 1 hotel in North America, and I’m very proud of it. It’s great, great,” he said Tuesday.

Yet Trump International Hotel & Tower isn’t even the greatest hotel in Chicago, according to TripAdvisor. Users rank the place No. 12, behind the Langham (the winner) and the Talbot (the runner-up), as well as the mass-market chain Radisson Blu Aqua (No. 11)....

Keri N. provides the opposing argument in a post on the Trump Las Vegas. “While the hotel is nice, it’s comparable to your average business hotel that you would find in any other city.” “I travel a lot,” remarks Mercedes M., “and frankly, what you get at a Courtyard Marriott far exceeds what I’ve experienced the last couple of days.”

Bill Z. puts it more bluntly in a post about Trump International Hotel & Tower Toronto: “At the risk of sounding condescending, I can’t help but wonder how many of these five-star reviews were written by people who frequent five-star hotels on a regular basis and know what their expectations of such hotels should be. I do . . . As a hotel, the Trump is above average. As a five-star, elite luxury hotel, the Trump falls short.”...

Deep into Amazon reviews of Trump apparel—“This shirt makes no pretense of being top quality. But it’s not cheap garbage either”—I became fatigued and decided I needed to give something back after taking so much. I went with a friend to get lunch at the notorious tourist trap that is the Trump Grill, in the gilded atrium of Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue. My review: This place couldn’t make a Gentleman’s C at Trump University.

A lobster ravioli appetizer ($14) appeared to be frozen food, which offered reassurance: “unlikely to be poisonous.” Meat was riskier. To the cows that gave their lives in vain for the Gold Label cheeseburger ($20) and the Trump Tower steak sandwich ($23), we apologize.

Our glasses of “red wine blend” from Trump Winery—a Meritage, the 2013 vintage ($11), and a 2012 New World Reserve ($16)—also disappointed. The esophageal burns speak for themselves.

March 2017

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