Today, I learned about "Lemonade Day"

This NYT article, which is actually about something else, describes Lemonade Day as "a nationwide event sponsored by a Houston-based nonprofit group to encourage entrepreneurship among American children."

On the Lemonde Day website, the founder of the program opines, "It is important that we teach future generations the importance of responsible business practices and instill the entrepreneurial spirit at a young age." The website goes on to say that "Lemonade Day teaches youth how to start, own and operate their own business – using a lemonade stand. Through this enterprise, children will learn the entrepreneurial skills necessary to successful in the future and become contributing members of their communities."

Am I the only person who finds something profoundly American, and profoundly disturbing, about this project?

Imagine

if we lived in a world where graphic designers, as a matter of course, reversed the positions of the male and female figures in advertisements like this:

Revenge in real life

An East Hamptons native tweets the ridiculous requests he gets from (ultra-wealthy) vacationers. September 18 and August 13 are the most horrifying.

And this is pretty awesome too.

Okay, it's possible this is a bit too insider-y for general audiences, but trust me, it's hilarious

Prospectus for Silicon Valley’s Next Hot Tech IPO, Where Nothing Could Possibly Go Wrong.

Form S-1 Registration Statement Under The Securities Act of 1933

Ponzify, Inc.
LETTER FROM THE FOUNDERS

Forget Facebook. Forget Groupon. Forget everything you know about Silicon Valley. Because Ponzify isn’t like other tech companies. We don’t promise results. We show them to you, on a piece of paper, that has your name and a monetary figure that increases every month.

Our business model is simple: Attract users, advertisers, positive press and a corporate buyer; then, pull the chord on that golden parachute and have cable news book you as an expert on startups from time to time. There may be a book deal in there, too. We haven’t decided.

Users love our product because it’s something free. Venture Capitalists love it because they can imagine themselves talking about it at T.E.D. or on Charlie Rose. Trust us: Once you invest in Ponzify, you’ll have a difficult time investing your money anywhere else ever again.

THE OFFERING

Ponzify, Inc., is offering 15,000,000 shares of its Class A stock. Several times, in fact. Ask enough questions, we’ll let you in on the super secret Class B voting shares. Threaten to go to the SEC, and we’ll meet you near the airport. Just to talk.

We anticipate the initial public offering price of our Class A common stock will be between $35 and $42 per share. Mind you, the bank we hired to underwrite this transaction is privately telling its other clients something entirely different. Something about a guaranteed swing in the stock price and a big pay day for insiders. Sounds sweet. Wish we could get in on that

We expect to list our Class A common stock under the symbol PNZI.

RISK FACTORS

An investment in Ponzify involves significant risks.

User metrics
A significant portion of our income is derived from advertisers who still buy this whole “clicks” and “page count” business. Thus, we plan a vigorous defense of our current metrics while making up new ones with impressive-sounding names. For instance, KonBuy (short for “Konfirmation Bias”) scores the popularity of apps and websites based on whether their titles are intentionally misspelled portmanteaus.

Age Factor
Our CEO, CFO, COO and a bunch of other acronyms were all born after Nirvana released “Nevermind”.

Experience
Did you watch that two-part Frontline special on PBS about the inside story of the global financial crisis? We did. We were like “Dude, that’s like what we’re doing!”

Ed. note: Of special relevance to plaintiffs' attorneys -

SPECIAL NOTE REGARDING FORWARD-LOOKING STATEMENTS

This prospectus contains forward-looking statements. For instance, “Our company is built upon a viable revenue model” is a forward-looking statement. All statements other than statements of historical fact, particularly those made by our founders to the press, shareholders or women in bars, will be considered forward-looking statements.

But there's more, so follow the link.

Royal hats at the Diamond Jubilee

My favorites are 2 for sheer audacity, but 4, 8, and 16 for actual attractiveness.